December’s Topic:  Sibling Rivalry

Helpful quotations:

• “It is with our brothers and sisters that we learn to love, share, negotiate, start and end fights, hurt others and save face.”  — Jane Mersky Leder
• “Hunger and fatigue are two of the biggest contributors to sibiling rivalry.”  — Marian Edelman Borden

Some ideas to help negotiate sibling conflicts:

From Mom, Jason’s Breathing on Me! by Anthony Wolf:

1. If we intervened in squabbling, it would never be on one side or the other.  “The two of you stop it.”  The one and only exception was if there was potential harm to one or the other (and harm does not mean only pain).
2. The point in the squabbling at which we would intervene was as soon as we started to get irratated.
3. We would never listen to what went on.  And I mean NEVER.  Again, the only exception was if there was potential harm to one or the other child.

 From Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish:

Helping children resolve a difficult conflict:

1. Call a meeting of the concerned parties and explain the purpose of the meeting.
2. Explain the ground rules to everyone.
3. Write down each child’s feelings and concerns.  Read them aloud to both children to be sure you’ve understood them correctly.
4. Invite everyone to suggest as many solutions as possible.  Write down all ideas without evaluating.  Let the kids go first.
5. Decide upon the solutions you can all live with.
6. Follow up later.

Recommended Reading:

• Sibilings Without Rivalryby Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
• “Mom, Jason’s Breathing on Me!” by Anthony Wolf
• The Baffled Parent’s Guide to Sibling Rivalryby Marian Edellman Borden
• Loving Each One Best:  A Caring and Practical Approach to Raising Siblingsby Nancy Samalin
• He Hit Me Firstby The Gesell Institute
• I Love You the Purplestby Barbara Joosee